I am not an idiot. I know how the Internet works, I know it’s ability to reach people, but I’m somehow always shocked when people I don’t know find this blog. And they come through weird channels.
I steal most of the pictures I use off the internet so every once in a while someone will do an internet search for something like “sick looking old guy” and the minds of Google will direct them to me.
Anyway, some of them stay, some of them read and some write me. We haven’t answered the mail lately so I thought today was as good a day as any. Here are a few of my recent favorites…
“Don, I don’t know you, you don’t know me. Let’s keep it that way.”
So, as you can see, they’re not all fans.
“So, wait, did all this stuff really happen or do you make some of it up?”
I get this a lot. Look, I started this as an attempt to keep a truthful and occasionally brutally honest account of my fun with cancer. That being said… my oncologist does hate me, but no she does not go bow hunting behind the dumpsters at lunchtime.
Rule of thumb, if it’s embarrassing, touching, frightening or horrifying and it happened to me? It’s a hundred percent true. Yes, those are the real “Wednesday Regulars.” Yes, I did risk a heart attack trying to pee into a jug, and my wife Kate can vouch for my misplaced nipple.
When I stray outside the bounds of “truthiness” I try to go way out there so that you’ll know the difference.
“Don, it feels like you are not really being clear to your readers that Erbitux is a chimeric (mouse/human) monoclonal antibody, an epidermal growth factor receptor and by the strictest definition not necessarily a chemotherapeutic drug.”
Yeah, I occasionally have to deal with those people. I do it quickly, with short, loud bursts of profanity and random threats of violence.
“Are you really doing okay or are you just bullshitting us?”
This is a tough one to answer, I don’t think I’m bullshitting, but maybe I’d be the last to know.
Yes, I feel bad. Quite often. But I go for hours at a time and don’t even think about it. Sometimes I’m cruising along and catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror or have trouble swallowing something and it will suddenly occur to me: “Oh yeah, I’m sick. Wow, I forgot about that.”
So, the truth is, a lot of the time I really do feel okay. The fact that I am taking chemo (or a epidermal growth factor inhibitor) and getting radiated every day… AGAIN… sometimes sneaks up on me. Yeah, weird right.
“But what do the Doctor’s say?”
As little as they have to.
TV Doctors love to lay out the odds, paint a picture of the next few months of treatment complete with the graphic details of side effects, make predictions on your mortality and they do all this within seconds after getting results back from the lab. They have to because TV Doctors have to wrap up your story by the end of the hour and that’s not including nineteen minutes for commercials and network promos.
Real life Doctors don’t play that. They tell you what they know and often… that ain’t much. You’re sick, they’re doing their best to get you better. More often than not, it works out okay.
That’s the mail for this month.
A few housekeeping items – to the right of your screen you should see a button that says: “follow” or “subscribe.” If you click on it and type in your email address WordPress will email you whenever there is a new entry to this blog. So, feel free to do that if you want. If ten people subscribe I get a free carwash… so there’s that.
Also some of you have asked if you can pass the blog along to friends with cancer or just weird people who like cancer humor… yes, feel free. Put it on your Facebooks, your twitter, email it around… sure the more the merrier. If twenty people read this blog I get a free oil change.
So, there’s that.