“The Magic Chair” arrives today.
You know the one, the La Z Boy, old man, fully automatic, cancer sleeping chair. Not gonna lie, have been dealing with a lot of intense pain, coughing, no appetite, fevers etc. etc. in the last few weeks but all that ends tonight.
The chair will make me whole. It will allow me to sit comfortably for hours without having to contort myself into all manner of strange and unnatural positions. It will give me lumbar support when I need it and the ability to whisk it away with the click of a button. You heard me right, it’s got buttons.
Recline forward, recline back, foot rest up, foot rest down. It puts more than a million possible adjustment decisions at my fingertips. It even has a button to summon a sassy Jamaican caregiver to my side at a moments notice. One who will mock me, emasculate me and scream at me twenty-seven times a day to – “Take da damn pills mon!”
Of course I have to pay extra for this option, but the fine people at La Z Boy guarantee that she will also teach me valuable life lessons before disappearing at midnight in an a slightly magical way.
So tonight I sleep the unfettered sleep of a child… reclining in my La Z Boy while waving to my wife across the room.