Posted by: donrhymer | November 1, 2012

The Magic Chair

“The Magic Chair” arrives today.

You know the one, the La Z Boy, old man, fully automatic, cancer sleeping chair. Not gonna lie, have been dealing with a lot of intense pain, coughing, no appetite, fevers etc. etc. in the last few weeks but all that ends tonight.

The chair will make me whole. It will allow me to sit comfortably for hours without having to contort myself into all manner of strange and unnatural positions. It will give me lumbar support when I need it and the ability to whisk it away with the click of a button. You heard me right, it’s got buttons.

Recline forward, recline back, foot rest up, foot rest down. It puts more than a million possible adjustment decisions at my fingertips. It even has a button to summon a sassy Jamaican caregiver to my side at a moments notice. One who will mock me, emasculate me and scream at me twenty-seven times a day to – “Take da damn pills mon!”

Of course I have to pay extra for this option, but the fine people at La Z Boy guarantee that she will also teach me valuable life lessons before disappearing at midnight in an a slightly magical way.

So tonight I sleep the unfettered sleep of a child… reclining in my La Z Boy while waving to my wife across the room.

 

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Responses

  1. Do you have to put quarters in it? I think the chair needs a name, like that car from high school. Dreamsicle, Big-dog, Blue Betty, L’il Red Express, Cherry Bomb… hope it’s a smooth ride.

  2. One of my favorite positions Lay Z Boy. Say no more.

    Sleep well, my friend.

  3. I had one of those. As nice as they are, they are NOT configured for you to crap in them. And what’s the point of a fancy chair if you still have to get up to use the bathroom. I want my country back.

    • HA!! Watch the movie “Idiocracy” – the chair you want is in the future!

  4. OOH Don! Let the chair envy begin! Is it the Turbo-5000 with the PowerBoostXR? Or the ProElite-6000 with MemoryFoamGTR? Sounds amazing – and here’s hoping the chair gives you the comfort you need.

  5. Save the receipt! If you sit in it while composing blog posts, it should be tax deductible.

  6. Shocking! I am nearly but, unfortunately for readers of your blog, not quite incapable of expressing my amazement and dismay with regard to this latest development. I had simply assumed that you, as would all Men who have arrived at a not insubstantial level of accomplishment, had long enjoyed the tender, nearly telepathic ministrations of the fully automated La Z Boy recliner. If I had but known of your lack, perhaps I could have arranged for one of my spare models to be dispatched to you, although, out of deference to your spouse, the “Bachelor’s Special” limited option package would need to be removed. While I am still outraged that had to go to such extreme lengths (cancer, really?) to get the recliner that is your birthright as a Man, my mind is increasingly given peace in the knowledge that it is now yours.

  7. I want that chair!

  8. Your strength is something for all of us to admire! We love you and miss you.
    That’s some kind of “Super Duty” chair you’ve got there Don! Hang in there and know you are on our minds all the time. Sending prayers and love!

  9. I forgot to add, “Sweet Dreams” xoxo

  10. OoPs! Waving across the room to Kate. Kate needs one too. Side by side, whistling Dixie.

  11. After 12 years of marriage I have just, in the last two months, successfully eradicated all La Z Boys from our home (much to my husband’s dismay). We had the Big Man’s La Z Boy (which came in handy during my pregnancies), the Bachelor Special and another beauty whose “name” escapes me at the moment. I have yet to meet a La Z Boy that I would deem attractive. Having said that, I do hope you enjoy your Super Duper La Z Boy and I might encourage Kate to begin to think of somewhere she can “store” that sucker after you are well.

  12. I am about to retire from the noble system of public edification and am fighting the desire to La Z Boy it up for the rest of my crazy ole lady days, but, man, am I delighted to know that you have one. You deserve any pleasure it brings – visions of nymphet dancing, button pushing erotica, and just any damn thing you want. Go for it !


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